ya dads aren't the best wingmen
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
