It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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