What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
