it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
