Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
