Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
