You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
