I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
