I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize