I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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