If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
