we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
