Cold hands, warm shart.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I deserve this hangover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
