Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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