I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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