dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
