dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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