his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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