It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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