1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
