I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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