OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
