i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize