I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
