You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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