If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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