I hate all girls vehemently.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
