she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
