I look better un-naked...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
