Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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