yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
