just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
