I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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