I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
