You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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