So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
