I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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