it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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