Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
