I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
