one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
