People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
