If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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