I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
