Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
