If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
