he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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