I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize