I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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