As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
