I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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