I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
