Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
