Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
