Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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