Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize