Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
