im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
