You made me cry and you don't even care
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
