ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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