I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
