I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
