Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
