Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
