dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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