I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just threw up on my dentist
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
